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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Taking a "Break"

I had a fight with my boyfriend the Thursday before Valentines Day. I was mad because he was going home and he hadn't thought to tell me until the very last moment. I said some mean things to him via text message and I felt really bad about it, but I felt like he didn't care about what I was feeling. I was angry.

He said he had to think about some things over the weekend. This made me nervous. I had a good weekend hanging out with my friends and watching movies but there was always that worry in the back of my mind. Would he really be stupid enough to break up with me over something like this? He can be kind of irrational but I figured he would be over it by the time he got back. He wasn't coming back until Monday afternoon because of President's Day.

On Monday I was hanging out with some friends watching TV and my boyfriend came by and said hi. At that point he went back to his room and texted me. "I have to talk to you." I went up to his room to see what he had to say. He wanted to "take a break" from our relationship because he felt like I was trying to change him and he didn't like that. I was in shock. He had just broken up with me.

I kind of stumbled out of the room. I considered going back to my room and sobbing but decided I should just continue watching TV with the guys. My friend Josh had been sitting next to me on one of the smaller couches. I slumped back into my spot and covered myself with my jacket, trying not to show what I was feeling.

"Sexy time?" Josh asked.
"Not so much." I barely managed to say the words without breaking down.
"What's up?"
"Andy just broke up with me."

I didn’t cry for about a week and even then it was sort of forced. I’ve spent too many tears on this guy and didn’t need to spend any more on him.

I was reading through my journal last night, looking through everything I'd been through with him. We never fought, ever. And looking back, this really should have just been a fight, not a breakup. I don't know what's wrong with him.

Everyone thinks he's stupid for breaking up with me and they all expected me to be the one to break up with him because he always acted like such a jerk. I loved him. I wasn't going to break up with him.

My friends are already trying to set me up on dates/flirt with me themselves. It’s quite flattering and makes me laugh. I don’t really want to date until next school year though.

Andy was good for me. I'll never regret this relationship. He will always have a place in my heart, even if he doesn't want to be there.