Valentines Date at Qdoba

Josh and I went to Qdoba for lunch because they had a buy one get one free deal on smothered burritos if you kissed someome. So we kissed and ate burritos. They were quite good. Also you can't go wrong with free guacamole. Though it was kind of hard to eat since you couldn't pick it up and eat it. I left a lot of the tortilla in the bowl.

Something Mushy

Josh and I made a deal for Valentine's day. (Because he hates it and I just like candy wrapped in pink). Each of us spends $20 on the other person for whatever they want. He chose a Skyrim expansion... or something and I had him buy me flowers and chocolate. I think it's a pretty good deal. I'm happy with it.

Also the place he got the flowers from said they came with a free card. He didn't know what to write on it and the lady working there told him he should probably write something mushy. So he told her to write that. "Something mushy." Pretty funny.

Josh's Visit

Josh got here late Friday night and decided he never wants to make that drive in the dark again. So Saturday we decided to go hang out in Fergus Falls and see some movies. We walked around downtown looking at the bookstores and stuff. There's a new restaurant there called The Spot. They sell Paninis. Most of the food names were not in English but they had a list of what was in them so I picked one that sounded good. We got there right after they opened at 11 so we were the only ones there. It was pretty romantic because it was just this cute little place.

This is what I got. Isn't it fancy?

It was also neat because they had word magnets on all of the napkin dispensers. Brilliant idea. Josh and I played with that for most of the time we were waiting for our food.

After that we looked at a couple more stores then decided it was time to hit Walmart for snacks before the movie. We decided to see "The Dark Knight Rises" first and then "The Amazing Spiderman" We saw them back to back. We had just enough time between movies for Josh to get a pop and for me to buy the tickets. We also got to see Sammi and Erin (Sammi was my best friend in high school and Erin is her little sister) which was nice. The movies were really good. I liked them both.

After that we decided to head home but we stopped at Guzzlers first. The restaurant that replaced Prante's on the Lake, where I used to work. It was super busy and we had to wait a while to get a table. We ordered a plate of nachos as an appetizer to share and each got bacon cheeseburgers.Everything was delicious.

We went home and watched some more movies on my computer. The next day we ate at Zorbaz for lunch. One of my coworkers gave me a $20 gift card she wasn't planning on using. So we both decided to go big and get something we normally wouldn't get. I got $10 worth of tacos.

It was really good but we definitely needed to-go boxes, especially since both of our plates came with a huge amount of chips and salsa. We spent the rest of the day eating this. Then we drove around looking for a good swimming spot and finally had to opt for the beach on Ottertail even though I was hoping to find one of the more private spots was empty... they weren't.

Then back to my place for some movies, then grilling, a game of battleship that Josh won, and then the fireworks I'd been saving. Then more movies (there isn't much else to do at my place).

It was a really fun weekend and I was sad when he left Monday morning.

I Want to Kiss You Under Streetlamps - Poem

I want to watch rainbows with you
childish though it may seem
I want to dam up tiny streams with rocks
and create new paths
I want to write love songs in the sand
for everyone to share
I want to kiss in the rain
as the drops run down our cheeks
I want to build huge bonfires
and make the night bright as day
I want to press my hand to your heart
and take your pain away

I want to watch rainbows with you, to catch minnows and sail paper boats. I want to write love songs in the sand and sing them badly. I want to build bonfires and wish on stars and eat marshmallows out of the bag. I want to dance in the rain and kiss you under streetlamps in the falling snow...

© Chloe VanDuinen 2011

Without You

Without You
You there, the outgoing blonde, the city kid
Without you I would have never experienced my first heartbreak
But I also would have never experienced the best friendship

You there, the awkward brunette, you share the name of a friend back home
Without you I never would have met "The Table" and my life would have never changed
I would probably still be in my room doing math homework

You there, the outspoken mixed race girl, you terrified me
Without you I would be so much more sheltered
And there are so many things I wouldn't know how to appreciate

You there, the big guy with the propeller hat, the loud one
Without you I would have never experienced so much emotional pain
But I also never would have gone on some of the best adventures

You there, the football player turned nerd, the writer
Without you... I don't know where I'd be, probably nowhere near as happy
I'd probably still be wandering through life, waiting for you to come along

© Chloe VanDuinen 2011

Every Night - Poem

Every night for the rest
of our lives I'm going
to tell you I love you.

If I can't see you in
person I intend to
text you. That way
you can read it as
many times as you
like.

I want "I love you"
to be the last words
you hear or see at the
end of every night.

I want you to know
just how loved you
are and that I never
stop thinking about
you.

©Chloe VanDuinen 2011

One Year Anniversary

Josh and I have been dating for a year now. Go us. So that makes me super happy. We had a good time hanging out this morning before he had to go to work. We went and played at the park and got ice cream.

I Never Expected

I never expected my life to turn out this way. I never thought that at age twenty I would be where I am and know who I know. I never expected to have already met the guy I want to marry and have him feel the same way about me.

Running - Poem

The other day I stayed up until sunrise
And it began to rain
The sky was full of colors and I wanted to see it better
So I jogged down to the lake to watch it
And as I was running I realized I didn't want to run away anymore
I finally had things I wanted to run toward
But as I reached the lake the sunrise was over
And the colors were all gone
So I walked down to the end of the dock
And stood there as the rain fell softly onto my face
I sat down and took my shoes off so I could put my feet in the water
The lake looked so beautiful
I watched the rain drops falling on the surface
And the ripples as I swished my feet
I wished you were there so badly
I wanted to be able to hold your hand and share that beautiful moment with you
It was so amazing
Proof that in the chaos of this world beautiful things still exist
Love still exists
And it can be a really scary thing
But I'm not afraid anymore
I've been down that road and I feel stronger because of it
Love is giving someone the ability to destroy your heart and trusting them not to
I trust you Josh
I trust you with everything I have
And I promise with every ounce of my being
That I will be true to you
Because that's what love is about
That's what it means for me every time I say "I love you"
I've never felt like this before
And no one has ever stopped my breath by putting their arms around me
I didn't even realize that was possible
And the more time I spend with you
The more I want it to last forever
I need you to understand that
I need you to understand how important you are
I need you to understand that I don't want anyone else
And I don't think I ever will
And yeah, it scares the shit out of me that I feel this way
Because it's only been three months
But then I see you and I know it's all going to be okay
Because life is too short to be scared
And it's too short to worry
So I'm going to dive in and give it my all
I'm going to work to be there for you as much as you are for me
Because I've finally found someone worth running to
And that's a really big deal
So take my hand and I'll hold it tight
Let's sit in the rain and watch the sunrise
Because the world is a beautiful place
So let it fill your heart
And flush out the fear
Because I'm right beside you
I love you Josh

© Chloe VanDuinen 2010

I Let Myself Fall in Love

I broke one of my rules and let myself fall in love. It's only been two months and I promised myself I’d wait six before I said anything, just to make sure. I spent the night at Josh’s before the road trip and after waking up in his arms I knew I was in love with him. I decided I was going to wait for him to say it first and surprisingly he chose that morning to tell me he loved me. It was perfect.

The roadtrip to Chicago ended up being one giant double date. It was cute and it kept Vogie from being all rage-y for awhile. There was just so much love this weekend. Monica told Vogie she loved him and he returned the sentiment. It was a really good time. 

One Month Anniversary and First Day of Work

Josh and I have been dating for a month now but it barely feels like it. But I suppose that’s because we started dating a week before school ended, but also partially because I can’t believe I’m dating him. He just makes me so happy. I’ve been dancing around my house the last three weeks. It’s like nothing can bring me down, not even my sister.

Today is also my first day of work and also the day I get to find out whether I have to work next week or if I can go visit my friends down in Marshall. I hope I get to visit friends. I don’t mind dish washing, the only complaints I have is that the kitchen is hot and the hours of running around make my feet hurt. 

So Maybe - Poem

So maybe I'm supposed to write my life
All the ups and downs and insanity
So maybe I'm supposed to write a book
About everything I've ever wished for
So maybe I'm supposed to write a song
For the world to listen to for years to come
So maybe I'm supposed to write a poem
Letting the words flow together as they like to do
So maybe I'm supposed to write a letter
Describing to you exactly how I feel
So maybe I'm supposed to write...
To put words on a page
But they're so much more than words
They're feelings, ideas, hopes, and dreams
They describe us, tell the world who we are...
And who we want to become
So maybe I'm just a girl pouring her heart out in a blog no one reads
So maybe I'm just a girl wishing her sister would speak to her
So maybe I'm just a girl who fights to be friends with everyone
So maybe I'm just a girl trying to piece her life back together
So maybe I'm just a girl who has faced more than her fair share of heartbreak
So maybe I'm just a girl who has been let down more times than she can count
So maybe I'm just a girl looking for the one she can spend forever with
So maybe he's the one
So maybe I want to write him into my life
So maybe I want to hold his hand as we ride this roller coaster together
So maybe I'm sick of maybes
And I'm looking for a yes
Yes I want him in my life
Yes I want to hold his hand
Yes I want to keep him forever
Yes, Yes, Yes
I don't think I've felt so strongly about anything
And from someone who lives in a world full of maybes a yes is a scary thing
But I'm not scared anymore
I'm happier than I've ever felt
A lasting happiness
Now that's an amazing thing
So maybe I kinda like you
So maybe I kinda like you a lot
So maybe I kinda more than like you
So maybe a little part of me is still kinda scared
But I'm okay with that because you make me happy
You're not even here and I feel happy
No one has ever done that before
So maybe this is more right than you or I realize
I hope so
I certainly hope so

© Chloe VanDuinen 2010

First Date

I had been waiting for this date for a week and the suspense was killing me. No one would tell me anything, which I was okay with because I like surprises.

We agreed to meet in front of my dorm. I ended up waiting there beforehand because I had nothing better to do. Josh walks up with a bouquet of three dandelions and a pink tulip.

We walk to his car and he asks me where I want to get food, but not to worry because we were going to get it “to go” (I hate restaurants).  I’m bad at decisions so we ended up going to Culvers. We get our food and drive back to the school so we can eat in the garden courtyard because he remembered that I like it there. We ate our food and talked for a while.

Now I need to backtrack for a moment. The day before we had gone to Last Stop CD Shop because that's what we do on Wednesdays.  He bought a CD and I hadn't thought anything of it. But he played it in the car. The song was "Forever" by In this Moment. It's a really cute song to play on a first date.

After that we went back to his room to watch the movie “Avatar” which he was sad to find out that I had already seen (I watched it with the group that went to Detour). It was still really fun. We watched the movie and hung out and talked for a long time after that.

We made it facebook official after the movie. I have a boyfriend. 

Muffins, Brownies, and Boys

Today was the second to last anime club of the year. I still had a bunch of muffin packets and a brownie mix box in my room. I decided to make it all and bring it to anime club because then it will disappear fast... and it did.

I invited a bunch of people over to my lounge to watch TV and just hang out with me. Monica, Vogie, Josh, and Paul showed up. I was just standing watching the tv because I didn't really know where to sit and didn't want to sit in the back row. Josh is like "Chloe, come sit by me." So I did. He had his arm stretched out on the back of the chair. I was trying not to act too eager to sit close to him.

I kept having to get up and do stuff with the food I was making. When I sat back down again his hand moved so it was holding my shoulder, pulling me a little closer. I had to get up again and the next time I sat down he pulled me closer to him and my head ended up resting on his shoulder. He leaned his head on top of mine and said "We've broken the first barrier." I just laughed.

When club was over I had to take something to the office and ended up staying there and playing some games on the computer. Josh followed me and we talked as I checked facebook. We were kind of flirting and bantering.

Then he asks "Do I have permission to accidentally reality again?" "Ummm, sure." Because I am completely dense and did not realize what that actually meant. He gives me this look then leans over and kisses me. I don't think I have words to describe how ecstatic I was at that point. We continued talking and eventually decided we should go back to our own rooms. He walked me back to my room and gave me a hug and another kiss. I ran up the stairs giggling.

So yeah, absolutely, absolutely thrilled. Finally a guy that will take initiative. Asking me out, kissing me. He even regularly gives me flowers, sure they're only dandelions but those are my favorite flowers and he actually remembered.

Accidentally

Okay, so there's this guy I like. His name is Josh. We'd been flirting for a while now and today when I was making costumes for Anime Detour he texted me "So do I have permission to accidentally reality?" I was quite confused by this text. I understood the bit about the missing verb because he uses that phrase a lot, but I wasn't sure what it meant this time.

There was a part of me that wanted to be mean and all like "No, no you cannot." But there was this other small part of me that said "Sure" and that's the part that responded. "Let me take you out sometime then. After Detour." I’m super excited because I really like him.